Back in 1997/98 we had to put our cat Niniane to sleep. It was a painful time for me, I was a 'dog' person you see, and would never grow close to a cat. That was until I married SWMBO, who had two. Ninny adopted me, made sure I understood cat routine, as well as cat hierarchy, which is "Feline first, human second". I willingly adapted to that paradigm, which made it all the harder when we had to put her down. I said at that time, never again.
Until I saw Delenn at a local adopt-a-cat weekend in Tampa. She was part Russian Blue, like Ninny, and she sat on my shoulder without batting an eyelash. As she grew older, she never tired of trying to sit on my shoulder, although as she grew older, it was harder to fit her on my shoulder. She was my 'little girl' with a fuzzy face.
Today we found out that she probably has lymphoma. The vet was all prepared for us to start chemo immediately, but was somewhat stunned when we asked what was the prognosis. The average was six months, which to us, did not make any sense. That time was more for us, then for her, as we really have no idea what her quality of life would be during that time. Nausea and diarrhea were just some of the side-effects mentioned, although they do not treat pets as aggressively as humans. That said, why put her through that, just for us to selfishly have her around for a few more months, avoiding the pain and the loss.
Its not right ... so we'll get her home tomorrow, make her as comfortable as we can, and when it looks like its time, we'll put her to sleep.
And I'll bawl my eyes out, just as I did 12 years ago.
And so it goes ... !